i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
