i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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