i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
