they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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