I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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