My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
