i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize