So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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