so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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