brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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