Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
