He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
