My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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