i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
