i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
pray to the hookup gods
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
