I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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