I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
