remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
