I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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