Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
