Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
