the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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