I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
