Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
