When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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