I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
