Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
