it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
