he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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