dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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