he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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