I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
