You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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