I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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