I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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