At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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