ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize