I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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