i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
