one two three fourrrrnication!
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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