her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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