The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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