I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Are my feet made of real feet?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
