you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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