i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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