Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
