Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
