don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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