You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
