He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
