So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
