I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
