new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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