Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
