Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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