Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize