Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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