i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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