did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
