remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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