I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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