He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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