did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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