you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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