He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
