I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
