Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
