Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
