Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
