pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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