Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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