You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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