Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
