her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
