Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
