morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me I should be a condom model.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
