i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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