i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
