Yo dont text me then not text me
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
