somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
