I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize